Ders' Picks - Week 9; THE RECKONING
What talent. Bet that pretty lady is enough to make a man forget about going 0-4 on his pick set last week. I know it was for me. After the jump be ready to meet her better half (and snag my Week 9 NFL Picks)! Wowza! CONFESSION TIME. I’ve got pick block. Gun shy. Looking for pics of NFL Cheerleaders to use as the eye candy trail to my gambling advice was easy; actually writing up...
mikesdojo asked: I need an inspiring rudy quote to bring back my spirits after you crushed me...
It Happened Again
Another year, another Halloween where teenagers smash our pumpkins. Luckily I didn’t take the time to carve a jack o’ lantern this year (learned that the hard way). I’m pretty sure this was the work of the little shits who defiled our dragon statue. What is it about Halloween that makes kids want to destroy things and raise hell? Maybe it’s all the sugar.
Phrase To Retire: "Nailed It"
This phrase gained popularity a few years back after appearing in a pretty hilarious Washington Mutual commercial (seen here). Unfortunately, like they do with every funny catchphrase, people went way overboard with this one and just started saying it whenever they did anything (whether they “nailed it” or not). Why is it that when someone in a movie or a TV show says a funny line...
mikesdojo asked: I would like to apply for a position. I am apart of the 99%
I Deserved It
Certain people here (Adam, Montez, Jet Set) have been saying that I didn’t deserve to win employee of the month and that Alice only gave it to me to shut me up so I wouldn’t go to the higher - ups regarding the disgusting leaking ceiling and my possible contamination from said ceiling. Even though Montez had more sales than I did and Alice repeatedly told us she’d never pick...
Taking a Stand
I didn’t want it to be this way, but I am guaranteed a safe working environment BY LAW. NO STEPS have been made to even empty the toxic-piss-carceginic garbage can since yesterday, and while the leak has run dry, THIS— …is NOT a safe working environment. I’ve made a call to my legal representation, and they’ve told me I have a strong case against TelAmeriCorp and...
Time For A Tetanus Shot
After Alice said it “wasn’t my problem” I went to take more pics to document the disgusting, leaking hallway and something from the ceiling leaked on me. I have no idea what it could be, but judging by how “modern” and “clean” (sarcasm) our office is I’m guessing that it’s toxic waste of some kind. Now I have no option but to go to the...
The whole “selling our Catsup at the farmers’ market” thing didn’t happen as planned. We were totally going to do it, but I had to go to the mall to buy sunglasses and Adam wanted to go to Sport Chalet so he could buy Quench Gum and lock down his Halloween costume. We’re still going to team up and dominate the Catsup market. Might just have to wait until next...
My Dad says, ”Lie in the bed you make, and always make your bed.” I know what father means, now, after going 0-4 in my Ders’ Picks. I’ve been struggling with what to say, so sorry this is up late, but it’s time to face the music and own up to my mistakes. Sure, the bad picks could be all my fault, but before you judge here’s some lessons I’ve learned...
There were 5 other dudes as “Nameless Driver”/Ryan Gosling from Drive at the Halloween party Saturday night, and even if my version was the most true to the character, the guy who had the actual jacket got the most attention. People ragged on me for not having the gloves, or a hammer, and wearing a windbreaker with a scorpion picture stapled on the back, but NO ONE ELSE HAD A...
Craft Beer Update
Got this for Adam as a joke (after all the ketchup - related drama). He thought it was funny and he was nice enough to share it with me. I have to say that I was a little overwhelmed with it at first. It was very powerful and hoppy, but after a few sips I really started to enjoy its complex flavor. I think I also really liked it because I was drinking it with Adam and we were just having a good...
Ders' Thoughts - F'd Out Halloween Costumes
What’s everyone going as for Halloween this year? Oh, were you going as Lady Gaga? FUCK YOU. Wait, you’re a guy going as Lady Gaga? EAT SHIT. That guy from Parks & Recreation, with the ‘stache? Jon Swanson, I think? YOU’RE SO ORIGINAL. Clark Kent with Superman’s Cape poking out? Black Eyed P? Pirate/Vampire? IF YOU THINK YOU’RE TOO CLEVER FOR...
Ders' Picks - Week 8
There’s a lady I wouldn’t mind reviewing my playbook with. Want that playbook to be leather-bound? Then read on for my Week 8 Picks!!! Love my picks this week, so I’m making ALL OF THEM MY RYAN LOCHTE OF THE WEEK! FOUR LOCKS! Bet your house, your car, a night with your wife/girlfriend/loose female friend, and WIN BIG, BABY! Picks are for entertainment purposes only...
Sold All My Ketchup
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES! Sold all 12 bottles of Uncle Ders’ Homestyle Catsup (no surprise), just shocked at how quickly it happened. Kind of wish Adam had passed out a little earlier and not wasted the other 12 bottles on his shitty ketchup. Oh well. Gonna celebrate tonight by making burgers topped with, you guessed it, Uncle Ders’ Hometsyle Catsup. If Adam doesn’t want one...