Blake Has Lice
There’s not a doubt in my mind. That mangy briar patch he calls a head of hair has needed to be firebombed for the last 6 months, but heaven forbid Blake listen to me for once. Now he can’t ride in the ‘Vo without a doctor’s note. Sorry you’ve pushed me this far, Blake, but like I warned you, ignore me long enough and I PUSH BACK.
Just when I think my roommates can’t get any dumber, they surprise me with another descent into the basement of human thought. Church and steak? Hell, they’ve probably renovated and have a pool table down there already. AND BEFORE YOU ASK TO PLAY POOL, I’M SPEAKING IN METAPHOR, IDIOTS.
I’ve always been a firm believer in the separation of church and state.
nebublahs asked: SERIOUS INQUIRY. I'd like to know what kind of qualifications you have that make you such a viable manager of your small business? BR0
Ders' Thoughts - CASH is King?
“STRAIGHT CASH, HOMIE!” -Randy Moss, 2008 For all my life, CASH was the only money worth a damn. You craved it, you needed it, you carried it around in your wallet like paper gold. Having a wad of cash made you feel like a big man, and spending it was the confirmation of that idea. Now, cash is nothing more than disease-spreading filth peddled by fools and old people. At least,...
The Shining - Bear Suit Guy
I’ve always wondered what the deal was with this shot. Turns out, it’s just as weird as you’d expect. Here’s an explanation: “The scene is taken directly from Stephen King’s novel. In one of the novel’s scenes set in the 1920’s party, Jack is dancing with a beautiful woman. He notices that at one table, there is a young man behaving like a pet dog...
Ders' Wine Cellar
Most people think there are only two types of wine; red and white. Those people are idiots. That’s like saying there’s only two types of beer - Light and Ice. Sound stupid? That’s because it is. I recently discovered a wine that caressed my inner nose, sensually brushed my lips, and made hard Viking love to my mouth. Between you and me? Think my mouth’s pregnant....
imakelights asked: Trying to maximize social media commerce while balancing strong written and oral skills in a comprehensive work environment is what I bring to the table. How do I maximize profitability while keeping abreast of emerging market trends in a network savvy blogosphere?
Word To Retire - "Super"
Stop saying it. No more sentences like this: “I’m super excited to see “The Help.” We’re all excited to see “The Help”. It looks amazing. But saying that you’re “super excited” is just redundant and obnoxious.
Adam = Banned
Adam, Blake and I had a meeting and we’ve decided that because of your irresponsible actions you are hereby BANNED from all current and future family TV watching endeavors. As further punishment, Blake and I are going to finish watching The OC season 1 together (without you, obviously). Good luck finding something to do tonight and the rest of the weekend because Blake and I are going to...
Camp DeMamp: O.C.onfession →
blakehenderson: adamdemamp: Blake, the first part of this confession goes to you. When you woke me up this morning, and my laptop had “The OC” DVD menu playing? It wasn’t because I re-watched the 2 episodes we agreed to watch together. It’s because I watched as many episodes as I could, on my own, before I passed out. I… YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!! I still can’t believe you did this,...
Blake's Fun Time Place: O.C Dreams →
blakehenderson: Watched two episodes of The OC last night and I am officially hooked. This show is absolutely amazing and it has inspired me to move to the OC. Judging by what I’ve seen, it is a land of intrigue, compassion and forbidden love. I imagine that after spending some time down there a nice… Then we got The Gamble and The Debut TONIGHT~! I wonder what’s gonna happen...
HISM HQ? The OC!
It’s official. Holmvik International Sports Management’s homebase will be located in beautiful, powerful, every-kind-of-ful Orange County. The OC, in shorthand. It just seems to be the type of place where dreams come true, and being able to sell that to my clients is important. That’s what I’m going to do for them, so the symbolism is worth the higher rental fees. It...
The Perfect Show
We’re two episodes in and I am blown away so far. This show has everything. It deals with issues of social justice, the legal system, love, teen angst and so much more. The chemistry between Ryan and Marissa is absolutely electric. I got goosebumps during the “Model Home” episode when she and Ryan were hanging out and flirting in the model home. It’s so obvious that they...
Ders' Thoughts - LISTEN
People who read this who I call with ANY frequency— if ya miss my call, DON’T CALL ME RIGHT BACK! I’M LEAVING YOU A VOICEMAIL, OUTLINING WHY I CALLED YOU AT THAT TIME, IF YOU JUST WAIT 2 MINUTES YOU’LL BE ABLE TO EITHER— A) Take the action I requested in said VM, or… B) Call me back, READY to discuss the item I left you a VM about. STOP. Calling me back,...
TV Viewing Schedule
In order to maximize our enjoyment of The OC Season 1, I have created the following schedule by which to conduct our viewing: Episodes to Watch: Tonight: 1) Pilot 2) The Model Home Can only watch two with work the next day. Friday: 3) The Gamble 4) The Debut I know we will be tempted to watch more than two episodes since it’s a Friday night, but I want us to be able to devote our...
Family TV Night
I hereby approve of the official list that was compiled at lunch. As luck would have it, most of those shows are on Netflix Instant. However, for those that are not, I suggest we go to Best Buy and pick up the DVD’s (used if possible) so that we can begin viewing immediately following a decision. Adam, since we’re going to Best Buy, this would be the perfect time for you to buy me a...
I Nominate The Following TV Shows
I’ve given this a lot of thought and I would be happy to watch any of the following shows with you guys: Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel Frontline Dawson’s Creek The Wire Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (have you guys ever done a Google search of “young Jane Seymour”? Oh my god. Stunning.) The New Adventures of Old Christine Treme John From Cincinnati What do you guys...
Can We Come Together And Watch A TV Show?
Adam (and also Blake), I would be more than happy to watch a TV show together, as a family. I actually, really like that idea a lot. If you guys feel as strongly as I do about this then let’s make it happen. A few ground rules: It just has to be a show that we can ALL agree on. I am going to go on record right now as saying that I absolutely refuse to watch anything sci - fi related....
adamdemamp: Everyone’s chatting it up about some earthquake just now, but I didn’t feel NOTHING. More like the earth FELT ME. PA-POW. The earthquake was in DC, Adam. As in, the other side of the U.S.A.— and last time I checked, I found you sleeping at the foot of my bed when we felt that aftershock in Rancho Cuc country, so don’t go puffing your chest out too far.
I was flipping through the channels yesterday and got sucked into an ep. of Dawson’s Creek that I hadn’t seen in years. Adam caught me watching it and started teasing me, but I’m honestly not embarrassed. It’s a good show. Also, he shouldn’t be so quick to judge because I know about his TV viewing habits (even though he thinks I don’t).
Will Smith-Jada Pinkett-Smith Separate?
I hope it’s not true. But if it is? Someone needs to tell Jada they don’t call power brokers “The Queenmaker”.
Hey everyone, Let’s stop using the word epic. It’s really fucking stupid.
Dry Cleaning My Suit
Some guys at the Black Bear didn’t think much of my suit and one of them “spilled” red wine all over it. I’m pretty sure he did it on purpose, but he did seem really apologetic (even though I saw him high five one of his friends right after it happened). Not too thrilled about this. The dry cleaner said it was gonna cost at least $35. So there goes the Steve Harvey...
Ders' Thoughts - "Pay" to Play?
People are talking about the University of Miami football’s latest ‘issues’ with inappropriate benefits being paid to players. Money, cars, strip club visits, more money, preferential treatment; allegedly these football players had it all. A person will stand up and say “The university is making millions on the backs of these players, yet they don’t have enough...
Some days I don't feel like training. But you know...
adamdemamp: One more beer, what’s the worst that could happen? One more shot while I’m at it… Just got tossed out of Black Bear after Adam puked on the bar. Glad he felt like one more shot, it was only in his mouth about 4 seconds. Amateur.
The Ders Report: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! →
blakehenderson: andersholmvik: I’VE KILLED AGAIN! STEVIE RAY VAUGHN, I’M SORRY! WHAT CURSED FUTURE IS MY DESTINY?!!?! The suit’s nice, I can’t deny that, but… I’d give it back if it meant you were still with us. I know I said mean things about you, like you were an STD factory, or that you shouldn’t be allowed in the house,… Ders, you can’t blame yourself. You musn’t. You didn’t lock...
I’VE KILLED AGAIN! STEVIE RAY VAUGHN, I’M SORRY! WHAT CURSED FUTURE IS MY DESTINY?!!?! The suit’s nice, I can’t deny that, but… I’d give it back if it meant you were still with us. I know I said mean things about you, like you were an STD factory, or that you shouldn’t be allowed in the house, but most of that were barbs aimed at your dad, Karl. I...
Sooooo excited to wear my new suit to the bar tonight. Adam thinks it’s a stupid idea and that chicks are gonna think I’m weird or possibly gay, but I can barely contain my excitement and I am DEFINITELY going to be the best dressed person at The Black Bear. I did get woken up by a phone call at 3 AM and given my history with suits, I assumed that someone had died. Turns out it was...
More from Montez...
Look who’s back, everyone. It’s The Ders Report’s own roving reporter! (Consider debts PAID, Montez) Montez’s Mantle Hey y’all! MONTEZ BACK! Let’s see what’s on the mantle this week, what I want to talk about, speak on, go into detail ABOUT. This week, you know we talkin’ about the PRESIDENTIAL STRAW POLE. Only POLE I want Michelle...
Anyone out there want a used kayak? $100, or best offer.
In My OWN Words....
Blake, I appreciate your peace offering, and I accept it, but I am not going to back down that easily. While I applaud your detective work, the truth is that I actually did like the movie and I totally understood it. Whoever wrote that New York Times review coincidentally shared all my exact opinions about the movie, so if you think about it, those thoughts were actually mine. It’s not...
Here it is, folks! Drove all the way to the Hollywood Suit Outlet in the heart of Hollywood, CA to get it, but it was worth it. Was thinking of going with a Hugo Boss number, but I decided to get a suit designed by an even bigger BOSS - STEVE HARVEY! Decided to go with a beige, three button. Simple, elegant, tasteful. Steve Harvey is a fashion icon. I have seen “The Kings of...
Justin Bieber gets street in Texas from... →
Look, we all love Mr. Bieber, but if that’s how she chose to focus her actions in a short 24 hour stint in the driver’s seat? I’m glad she’s out of office. I would have gone right after the no state income tax measure Texas has and tried to turn around some of our economic woes.
Looks like after I get off work tonight, I’m going suit shopping. Checked my fall social calendar, and I’ve got a few events coming up where it’d be better not to just drag the same ole’ girl out for photos. I try not to spend too much of my budget on suits, since I can get away with just a shirt and tie for work. I know, dress for the job you want, right? …...
Ders' Foreign Film Review: "The Discreet Charm Of...
Blake called me out in an earlier post for bragging about all the good movies I’ve seen, then he watched a foreign film just so he could write about it first and make himself sound smart. Sorry to say, Blake, but that post made you look like a real idiot. It goes without saying that I have the best taste in the house when it comes to film and literature (currently reading “The...
Camp DeMamp: Open Call Out to Ders →
adamdemamp: blakehenderson: adamdemamp: Ders, No one buys into your fancy words hiding the fact that you want to host a big time good time at our abood. A rose, by any other name, would be as raging, Ders. Remember this guy? This guy just wanted to ride in that Escalade and go nuts. He wanted to rip the trunk off the elephant… Adam, I think it’s time you stopped saying “Rip the trunk...
The Ders Report: Book Club Cancelled. Forever. →
adamdemamp: andersholmvik: Due to an overwhelming lack of interest in literature or doing anything remotely intellectual, I have decided to cancel our book club. I guess I was wrong about my roommates when I wrote that they were pretty smart guys who would get a real kick out of this. Turns out they are actually dumb jerks… Glad you made that… Corrections. SLAM! Yes, Slam!, you got me,...
Book Club Cancelled. Forever.
Due to an overwhelming lack of interest in literature or doing anything remotely intellectual, I have decided to cancel our book club. I guess I was wrong about my roommates when I wrote that they were pretty smart guys who would get a real kick out of this. Turns out they are actually dumb jerks who only think about themselves. Oh, and don’t think I’m not going to read the book....
Theme Party - Like Adam's, But Better Options
You may have read Adam’s “list” of theme party ideas. Adam incorrectly stated that I was against the idea of a theme party, which couldn’t be further from the truth. What I’m against is the idea of a random “costume” party wrapped up in a loosely structured “theme”. That is what Adam wants. I wish to transform the party into a...
andersholmvik asked: Hi, Anders. I'm a small businessman looking to increase my profits. What would you recommend?
-A Serious Inquiry
-A Serious Inquiry