October 2011
77 posts
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Chillax Body Spray
Excited for tonight. Adam and Blake could tell I’ve been a little down, and decided that tonight was all about a good round of 40 Hands, beats, and gettin’ live.
I don’t need a bottle of exclusive whiskey to enjoy my friends, or my weekend. I’m gonna put the car keys on the shelf, mix a strong one, and head up to the roof for a night of long overdue chill time. These...
Realized today I missed Blake’s Fun Time Place. Sad that it’s gone. I can find all the mindless blather other places, but from ole’ Henderson, it was a treat.
But, Alice is on the warpath, and someone had to go for all the internet chatter our pages had gotten. He took the hit for us, and I’ve already told him there’s a bottle of Blue Moon headed his way tonight....
September 2011
72 posts
3 tags
Judge Not...
I was a victim of racism last night. Judged by my very appearance, looked down upon for who someone PERCEIVES me to be.
First some background: I had heard a local liquor store had a bottle of the exquisite Pappy Van Winkle 15 year old Bourbon in stock, and after reading about it on several liquor blogs as well as an excellent piece on Grantland.com (the defining sports website of a...
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Ders' Picks - Week 4
Want to win this?
Then read these—
Home team in CAPS/Picks in Bold
My Dad says to ride the hot horse into the ground, and Dad didn’t raise a fool of any kind. That’s why my first pick will see the inferno-hot Buffalo Bills ride into, and over, the CINCY BENGALS (+3.5). Buffalo’s QB went to Harvard, people. They produce two things; winners and social media...
theezy asked: Mr. Holmvik, what business shareholding groups are you associated with?
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niickfink asked: Anders, you're an inspiration to all of us serious business men.
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Ders' Film Review: Juno
Jillian saw Juno last week and she won’t stop talking about it. Normally I don’t trust Jillian’s instincts when it comes to movies, but she assured me that this movie totally rocked. As usual, she was way off base.
For one thing, the dialogue was totally over the top and unrealistic. No humans talk to each other like that. Also, Juno thought she was way too smart and cool for...
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serpens-ortia-deactivated201109 asked: Ders, if I may call you that, Adam's rivalry and attempts to make you jealous have me wondering what kind of business tactics you use to triumph against your competition.
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Conflict Resoluted
I know a lot of people have been worried about this feud Adam and I have had going the last few days. I criticized his party lifestyle, he criticized my life decisions; it doesn’t matter who started it.
What matters is who finished it. We resolved our conflict in a man-to-man conversation Sunday night, and you know why I didn’t post about it until now? Not every moment of your life...
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Dear Ms. Minaj
Just want to let you know that I really like your music and I think you have great style. Sometimes when I get sad I think about your smile and it makes me smile too. Congratulations on the phenomenal success of your album and if you are ever in Rancho Cucamonga, I’d love to buy you a cup of coffee, or dinner.
Your not so secret admirer,
Anders Holmvik
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Ders' Picks Update
I let you down, gang. Sure, I went 4-0 overall, but a measly 2-2 against the spread. And my Ryan Lochte of the Week (Titans beating Broncos) LOST, making it no longer undefeated. If you had bet the house on that one, as you should have, you’d be homeless right now. It’d be my fault your kids’ would have nowhere to watch tonight’s provocative Redskins-Cowboys game.
...
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Coming in first, but not realizing it until you...
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Ders' Thoughts - Hot Girls Who Pretend to be...
I’ve had just about enough of all these insanely hot women co - opting “nerd” culture and pretending that in spite of being totally beautiful and famous for their looks that they are actually just “total dorks.” I’m not buying it.
What they’re really doing is making dorky guys, who are actually giant nerds in real life, think that they have a chance with...
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Ders' Picks - Week 3
I hope you all can take a break from counting the money I’ve earned you with my NFL picks to see this week’s installment of brilliance.
Week 3 is when they start to separate the men from the boys, the lions from the cubs, the oaks from the saplings. I intend to do the same thing, and go 4-0 AGAINST THE SPREAD THIS WEEK!
Calling my shot. All the greats do it, from Ali to Holmvik....
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Dear Ders, It's Tony Horton. Adam's Hero.
Think you’re the only one who can devote their life to ruining their friend’s dreams, Adam? See what your future holds once I set my sights on what you hold dear; you might receive something like this—
Dear Anders,
Forgive me for sounding crass, but that was a fucking amazing week in Cabo. Thank you for having me as a guest, it was certainly better than spending a week on...
funkosphere asked: also blue moon is for posers and pussies. that shit is not a microbrew, it's owned by anheuser busch or some shit. only people i know who drink blue moon are chicks.
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Adam Has Lost His Mind
Pictured here: The type of party that Adam will never attend or get invited to.
Hey Adam, get real. Act real! You are living in a fantasy world. I know that you’re planning to party like Jamie Foxx (which is a total joke, and offensive), but let me ask you this: why haven’t you been to any parties yet? Answer me that. Seriously.
Actually, why don’t I answer it for you....
wizardstatus asked: Comment on the "good" beers. If you haven't tried Blue Moon Brewing Company, they make really good seasonal beer. Also Brooklyn Brewery makes tasty beers.
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A Delicious Microbrew
I pretty much know all there is to know about wine, so I’ve decided to learn a little more about beer.
Last night I sampled a craft beer called Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. It was very enjoyable and had a bold flavor and robust character, unlike the light beer I usually drink. I want to start buying more “good” beer, but we usually all go in on 30 packs together. I was thinking of...
bloodmobile asked: Dear Anders,
I was wondering what you find to be most effective, 2nd degree or 3rd degree price discrimination? What's an effective way to implement both? I'm looking to maximize my captured consumer surplus. Any ideas?
I was wondering what you find to be most effective, 2nd degree or 3rd degree price discrimination? What's an effective way to implement both? I'm looking to maximize my captured consumer surplus. Any ideas?
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Floyd Mayweather
For those of you who didn’t see the fight on Saturday, Floyd Mayweather scored a controversial knockout against Victor Ortiz. A lot of people are saying that it was a cheap shot, but I disagree. Ortiz head butted him on purpose and then Mayweather knocked him out when Ortiz let his guard down.
Say what you will about Mayweather - that he’s arrogant, obnoxious, unpleasant, a total...
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UNDEFEATED WEEK!
Well looky here. Someone went 2-0-2 this week, AGAINST THE SPREAD. If the Bills had caught that last-second Raiders hail mary and ran it back 103 yards to the endzone, I’d be 3-0-1, too. I guess I need to see the cup half full, though.
I had the Lions CRUSHING the Chiefs, which they did, 48-3. I should count this as 2 wins.
I had the Bucs UPSETTING the hapless Vikings, which they did,...
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Paying The Price
Sometimes you have to know when to say when. Today was definitely headed for the pantheon of “top 10 Ders days” until my ill - advised drink order at Black Bear (not to mention Adam’s idiotic overalls). I wanted something sweet and sugary so I went with a Brandy Alexander (brandy, milk, vanilla ice cream, cinnamon, creme de menthe).
I took one big sip and I could tell that...
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Camp DeMamp: Uncaged Beast on Da Prowl →
adamdemamp:
Headin’ over to the stables today, know why???
‘CAUSE I GOT HORSES TO PUNCH, BIT-CH-ES!
Since I declared myself my own man last night, I’ve lived life to the fullest. Partied hard last night, slept in good, got to work reasonably late, made a sale, and tonight is my night, bro. Followed by…
This I gotta see. I should charge admission.
reebesreef asked: Hello Mr. Holmvik, I am in the internet marketing world and am looking for some ways to increase the amount of hits that my client Suds It a carpet cleaning company gets. How could I go about accomplishing this? Thanks you for your time good sir. Signed Reebes
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Fancy Friday
Boy have I had a good week. Sold an ass-load of shammies, set a personal best for Wednesday late afternoon sales, and went 3-1 (straight up) in my inaugural NFL DERS’ PICKS. So you know what?
Going to break the glass on my quarterly Cab Fare Fun(d)! No designated driving for this Ders to-night, Daddy’s getting DRUNK.
But classy drunk. High-class messy, like an expensive wedding...
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Ders' Picks - Week 2
Last week, I got off to a hot start, just like the NFL Season itself. Let’s see if I can make you even more scratch this week.
To the picks—
WEEK 2 PICKS! (HOME TEAM IN CAPS!)
DETROIT LIONS (-8) beat the piss out of the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs lost so bad in week one that it’s clear they’ve already thrown in the towel on the 2011 season. Is Detroit the King of...
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Ders = Larry (In a Sense)
Larry Bird is famous for being tough and playing hurt and never complaining. In that sense, we are very similar. This morning I woke up feeling pretty hung over - drank 4 glasses of wine last night. I really didn’t want to go to work today, just wanted to sleep and eat potato chips.
Then I remembered how Larry Bird played for almost six years with a terrible spinal injury and never once...
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If I'm Bird Then Who's My Magic?
It occurs to me that the reason these guys were so good was because they were totally competitive with each other and always had to be better than the other guy. I feel like I need someone like that in my life. Someone to push me to be the best I can.
I guess Adam is sort of like my Magic Johnson. We have very different personalities and are pretty competitive with sales and stuff, but mostly...
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An Incredible Documentary
Watched this on On Demand last night after the guys fell asleep and I don’t think my life will ever be the same. I always looked up to Michael Jordan as a kid, but he has really lost a lot of cred ever since he grew that stupid mustache.
I’ll tell you whose mustache isn’t stupid - Larry Bird’s (mustache). Magic Johnson also had a pretty sweet one for a number of years....
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Phrase to Retire: Best. (Blank). Ever.
More like: Worst. Phrase. Ever.
Every Facebook post or photo caption has some variation of:
Best. Trip. Ever
Best. Friend. Ever
Best. Meal. Ever
This needs to stop immediately. There’s nothing cool or funny about hyperbole and there’s definitely nothing cool about using a phrase that’s already been used fifty million times and isn’t funny in the first place.
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“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.”
– Author Unknown.
This one really hits home for me, right now. Lot of strings pulling on me, from my Sports Management company, to my sales career, to my planned motivational speaking tour. Where should I park my future? Right now, I just don’t know.
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Burning The 5:30 PM Oil
You ever get in a zone at work where you’re totally focused and dialed in and feel like you can accomplish anything? That’s how I’m feeling right now, and it feels pretty damn good. I made a bunch (4) of sales today and I’m just riding this wave of Hazelnut Folgers and productivity as far as it’ll take me. Right now I’m organizing all the paperwork on my desk...
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Bosses
Money Line
Went 3-1 overall, 2-2 against the spread. Got cocky at 2-0, but that’s on me.
You bet the money line, though, you’re walking away in the black!
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2-0!!!!
Ders’ picks are making people rich! 2 more to go!
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Ders' Wine Cellar
Stop putting ice cubes in your white wine, people.
Some see a tasty drink made more refreshing. You know what myself and fellow wine afficianados see? An abortion.
Do you think the winemaker spent months, to years, carefully crafting the varietal so you could plop a cube in to make a steel-oaked chardonnay a few degrees cooler? No way, jose. That’s like taking a piss on the Mona...
