Breaking News: The NBA Lockout isn’t going anywhere, people.  This coming basketball season is, however; it’s going straight into the crapper.  

An ultimatum offer is on the table, expiring tomorrow, and in my expert business opinion, ultimatum’s are like assholes; everyone that gets close to one usually wishes there were other options.

William King and David Stern, seen here in better, more economically viable times, are, pardon my french, like two drunk dogs trying to get to third base.  They keep humping air and wondering why they don’t finish.  You can’t go to prom if you don’t rent the tux, boys, and Tuxego closed half an hour ago.  It’s time to make other plans.

I propose the two sides sit in a room, like rational adults, and have a “change of pace” conversation where they discuss things besides the lockout.  Maybe they talk about Tower Heist; maybe they break down their favorite stuffing recipes (Thanksgiving is coming).  The important thing is, they don’t talk about basketball because it’s clear that when they do?  Everything falls apart.  Build a bridge; walk across the bridge; talk about that nice walk, the fresh air; solve the NBA Lockout.  Simple.  Outside the box.

I’m also throwing my hat in the ring to be the compensated mediator who guides this basketball-free conversation and keeps things light.  My resume is available upon request; and isn’t that what the fans want, to be heard?  

As for the Holmvik International Playas Tournament (HIP-T), I’m officially announcing it’s indefinite postponement; not for the rumored lack of interest, but so the players can focus on their business.  Someone has to, and if I can lead by example, then that’s what I’m prepared to do.

The season is crumbling in front of you, Players, Owners, Failed Mediatiors, Media Types, Ball Boys.  It’s time to put on your big boy pants and save it.  One leg at a time.