The Ders Report
MISSING BLACK FRIDAY

One thing I’m going to miss by going on my private Thanksgiving vacation is ripping & tearing it up on Black Friday.  It’s the time to get the best deals, and better yet, MAKE the best deals.

I like to sprint inside a store, find the best deal, then hike the price up 25% in the parking lot and say I bought 2, but now “my friend” doesn’t need theirs— it’s the person’s lucky day (as long as they got cash).

I’ve found it works best with electronics and toys; you get the toy flush in the little brat’s face, and they’ll rip their parents shoulder out of the socket while they beg for them to buy it.  It’s the parent’s fault for not laying a stern line with their children; like with a forced sexual encounter, the kid needs to learn “No means No”.

Black Friday isn’t just about price gouging, though.  It was also the day my Dad would take my 2 brothers to play the “Holmvik Turkey Bowl”; 1 on 1 football, with my Dad as all time QB.  I thought I would get asked to play when I turned 10, but they never asked me, and when I finally asked at age 18, they told me “it would make the teams uneven.”  I said we could rotate a 3-way game, but my Dad said that sounded like some hippie football witch game and made me clean the gutters for suggesting it.  He was right to, who was I to mess with tradition?

So enjoy your Black Friday, however it is you spend it.

(This post was written & scheduled for posting on Tuesday, November 22nd; any changes in the news or social lives of the participants have not been accounted for)

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