The Ders Report
An Open Letter to Ryan Lochte

Dear Ryan,

Hey, it’s Ders.  You may remember we shook hands at  the 2010 Pan Pacific Swimming Championships in Irvine, I said you did a great job “Pooling your talents…”, you said “Huh?”, it was a great bit.  I thought it was the first of many.  It still could be, that’s up to you.


I’ve looked up to you since the 2005 Aquatic Championships in Montreal when you won gold with Phelps, Vanderkaay, and Keller.  A chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link, and you were all strong chains that day.  Since then you’ve had the world of swimming in your hands… but I haven’t seen you do one Subway commercial, host SNL or date a high-level, A to B list celeb.

You know who has?  Of course you do.  You see him at the meets, pushing himself to be the best… the best that you could already be.  Do I have to say his name?  I will.  Phelps. You could be him… hell, you are, in a lot of ways.  Only without the bank account, notoriety, or Q rating.

The only thing holding you back?  It’s not yourself— it’s your management.  Did your management set a world record at the World Championships last week?  No, you did.  YOU DID, RYAN.  How is it that story didn’t lead Sportscenter, or it’s regional network equivalent?  Did you trend on Twitter?  How many ‘Likes’ did your Facebook page get?  Has Lorne Michaels called?

I bet you don’t even know right now.  Ask your reps, go ahead, I bet they say “Focus on your swimming, we’ll focus on your brand.”  You know who got told something just like that once?  Mike Tyson.  Look where he is now, not boxing for championships, but bustling for loose change.  Do you want that in 20 years?  Or do you want to be tying Alec Baldwin for most times hosting SNL?  

Now, I’m going to talk business.  You need a new manager.  I need a new client.  A crowning jewel, who I can give 110% of my business, sports management, and friendship.  Someone who can sit on the throne next to me as we look over the sports landscape, which we’ve dominated together, and toast the champagne our Best of SNL DVD residuals paid for.

Hell, I can even dust off the ole’ speedo and join the team, if our practice sessions go the way I think they will.  And they will Ryan— and they will.

In closing, you’ve got the world in your goggle view; do you want it to be the fogged-out, crappy view those old Speedo Sprints gave, or the new Speedo Air Seal view, clear as a bell and beautiful as you can imagine?  

The choice is yours.  Make the right one.

Respectfully yours,

Anders Torphin Holmvik
Holmvik International Sports Management
President and Co-Founder