The Ders Report
MISSING BLACK FRIDAY

One thing I’m going to miss by going on my private Thanksgiving vacation is ripping & tearing it up on Black Friday.  It’s the time to get the best deals, and better yet, MAKE the best deals.

I like to sprint inside a store, find the best deal, then hike the price up 25% in the parking lot and say I bought 2, but now “my friend” doesn’t need theirs— it’s the person’s lucky day (as long as they got cash).

I’ve found it works best with electronics and toys; you get the toy flush in the little brat’s face, and they’ll rip their parents shoulder out of the socket while they beg for them to buy it.  It’s the parent’s fault for not laying a stern line with their children; like with a forced sexual encounter, the kid needs to learn “No means No”.

Black Friday isn’t just about price gouging, though.  It was also the day my Dad would take my 2 brothers to play the “Holmvik Turkey Bowl”; 1 on 1 football, with my Dad as all time QB.  I thought I would get asked to play when I turned 10, but they never asked me, and when I finally asked at age 18, they told me “it would make the teams uneven.”  I said we could rotate a 3-way game, but my Dad said that sounded like some hippie football witch game and made me clean the gutters for suggesting it.  He was right to, who was I to mess with tradition?

So enjoy your Black Friday, however it is you spend it.

(This post was written & scheduled for posting on Tuesday, November 22nd; any changes in the news or social lives of the participants have not been accounted for)

Since I’m not going home for Thanksgiving this year, I’m going to miss out on all my usual family traditions.
The one I’m going to miss most is working with Mom in the kitchen, working from this ole’ Paula Deen bible to get the best meal possible on the table come Turkey Day.  
I often wish I could go on the Turkey Hunt with my Dad and two brothers, but my Dad says I’d just get in the way.  He’s right, too, since the first time I went I screamed for the turkeys to run away and we had to go to Denny’s because I didn’t know how to act like a man.
My brothers say that Dad is at his most loving during the Turkey Hunt, and I can understand how the thrill of the hunt would bring out a different side of him.  Maybe one year, when I’m old enough, I can show him I’m responsible enough now and show off my hunting skills (BOW AND ARROW, FTW) and kill a bigger turkey than him and cook it myself and eat it in his face.
But then Mom would have to make the sides by herself… maybe I should hold off on the bow hunt solo turkey run until I have kids of my own.
(This post was written & scheduled for posting on Tuesday, November 22nd; any changes in the news or social lives of the participants have not been accounted for)

Since I’m not going home for Thanksgiving this year, I’m going to miss out on all my usual family traditions.

The one I’m going to miss most is working with Mom in the kitchen, working from this ole’ Paula Deen bible to get the best meal possible on the table come Turkey Day.  

I often wish I could go on the Turkey Hunt with my Dad and two brothers, but my Dad says I’d just get in the way.  He’s right, too, since the first time I went I screamed for the turkeys to run away and we had to go to Denny’s because I didn’t know how to act like a man.

My brothers say that Dad is at his most loving during the Turkey Hunt, and I can understand how the thrill of the hunt would bring out a different side of him.  Maybe one year, when I’m old enough, I can show him I’m responsible enough now and show off my hunting skills (BOW AND ARROW, FTW) and kill a bigger turkey than him and cook it myself and eat it in his face.

But then Mom would have to make the sides by herself… maybe I should hold off on the bow hunt solo turkey run until I have kids of my own.

(This post was written & scheduled for posting on Tuesday, November 22nd; any changes in the news or social lives of the participants have not been accounted for)

"Evergreen" Forrest - Posts For Vacation

The Ders Report is going dark… for a bit.  

See, I’ve written a couple holiday-themed posts to cover the travel time and general Thanksgiving celebration duration, and post-dated them to post at appropriate times.  I’ll probably be too busy enjoying myself to give you minute updates on the minutia of my TSA experiences.

Today’s all about getting packed, racked, and ready for my secret destination.  Not going wherever it is Blake and Adam are going.  Definitely going on my own, private trip, that is not my hometown either.  

Witness testimonials to follow.

-Anders Torphin Holmvik, November 2011