The Ders Report
A Stern Message To All Potential Intruders:

Attention assholes,

I might be on vacation, but I had the foresight to hire a house sitter so don’t get any ideas about breaking into my house because if you do then you’ll be met by the swift fury and unharnessed rage of Gil (Naomi’s ex). Ya, I went down to BevMo and offered him $30 bucks to look after our house and water our plants, etc. So don’t get any ideas.